There’s nobody I love shooting with more than my friend Steve Prue of Team Rockstar Images. Steve and I met when he shot me almost ten years ago, and it was one of those instant bonds you make with another human. Steve has seen me through every incarnation of me, and he’s always been supportive of me- and he’s one of the only people to not only accepts my Destroyer side, he encourages it. When I shoot with Steve, I feel badass because he sees me as a badass, and I feel like that attitude always comes across in the images we shoot together.
As for these photos, I’ve always been more of a hero than the hero’s long-suffering girlfriend- I’d rather be Peter Parker than Mary Jane any day. Give me super-strength and some bad guys to spider-punch over a modeling career.
…But, until I acquire superpowers, I guess I’m stuck in front of the camera. These were fun to shoot, even though I nearly fell off the windowsill a few times. Spider-panties by SciFeye Candy.
I’ve been working more than usual lately, and it seems like there’s always a camera lens in my face. Funny, as this was the year I wanted to start retreating from the spotlight, focus on my writing. Exit stage right before the camera steals my soul.
Or maybe not.
Maybe you have to have a soul to steal.
(And maybe I sold mine years ago to a girl with sparkly eyes for a friendship bracelet and a handwritten note filled with secrets.)
I love other humans. I love their idiosyncrasies and their nonsense and the things that make them crazy. I’m especially drawn to humans who are a bit more unbalanced. I love their stories and their philosophies and their raggedy hangnail emotions. And I love it when people cry around me.
Vulnerability is the prettiest damned thing, and seeing it in others makes me feel more… connected.
One of the most fun things I’ve done lately was hanging out on a rooftop, dressed as Black Widow, with the amazingly funny people from Sketch From Superheroes. The best part of my life are all the funny, charming, talented geeks I know. I’m the luckiest.
I think things are prettiest when they’re fucked up. All strings and twisty bits. Clearly defined edges and clean boundaries seem so sterile.
Give me knots and gnarls and tangles and webs.
Have you ever had one of those kisses that spins you? The ones that leave you feeling like the butterflies in stomach are more like mogwai, and they’ve gotten wet and turned to gremlins and migrated to every part of your body, tearing everything asunder and causing havoc in every limb, every cell, every vein? That’s the best kind of chemistry- the kind that leaves you completely wrecked. We’re so jaded, now. Very few things can penetrate deep, and when something does- well, that’s beauty. My favorite songs are the ones that give me goosebumps, or make my chest feel like it’s going to explode, or make me want to scream at the top of my lungs. When something touches the primal part of me, locked away beneath my defenses and neuroses and logic and cold reason, it’s rare and delightful and sustaining. I feed on it.
I feel like I’ve learned the best way to ruin something is to try to hold onto it. Steal moments, let them go. Catch and release. Repeat.
I realized something last night, during one of those stolen moments. Life is kind of like a big game of connect-the-dots. The dots are those moments in our life that carry weight- and they can be as monumental as birth, or death, or as simple and perfect as a moment in bed, captivated by the eyes of someone beautiful, with the lamp illuminating the chiseled curves of their face and the butterfly gremlins tearing you asunder. The lines are the mundane stretches in between these moments. The lines, they get us to the next dot, but they don’t matter. It’s the dots- the memorable moments in our life- that really shape who we are. The picture is there, formed by that seemingly shapeless smattering of small black circles. I told that to someone and they said I should write it down. I’m not sure why I felt compelled to listen, but now it’s out there.
I think my favorite part of the spring is the way it smells. Especially when the lilacs blossom.
All photos by the immensely talented John Lee of Digital Fabrik.
The other morning, half drugged with sleep, I looked over at a friend and asked him, “Do me a favor.”
“Do me a favor,” I said, “and write the best unrequited love song ever written. And I want you to name it…”
He said okay. I don’t know if he’ll do it, or he was humoring me, but it was nice of him to say yes regardless.
People are at their most pliable in that twilight moment between sleep and waking. That warmth, that fuzz of slumber, it leaves us snuggly and and happily vulnerable and agreeable. I think it’s easiest to fall in love in the mornings, snuggled up like puppies, sun streaming in through the windows.
Dawn is when magic happens. Dawn, and summer nights in the woods.
Fireflies turn into fairies if you squint hard enough.
I haven’t been spending a lot of time in my own bed of late. It makes me feel almost nomadic. I love my part-time domesticity, but I miss being a wild thing.
Shower scene by my good friend and super talented photographer Steve Prue.
Sometimes it’s the people who have known you the longest who can set you back on your path, just by spending time with them. It’s easiest to rediscover who you are through conversations with people who know.
A lot of people from my past are re-entering my life lately. It’s making me feel centered.
When do the fireflies come out to play, again?
Hey there, Loyal Minions.
Late nights. Late nights and early mornings. Not enough hours, not enough sleep, not enough day, and the piles of responsibilities are getting so high they’re teetering precariously, large Jenga stacks of commitments that I just keep piling onto, because I want to see how high I can get the towers to go before I crash. And here I am, sitting in the middle of it all, controller in my hand, playing Dragon Age. I feel like I can’t catch my breath some days, but being breathless has its own rush. It feels like being in love, almost. And it keeps you from focusing on all the people you know you shouldn’t be thinking about.
I have some major projects on the horizon that are not NN-related. I can’t tell you much about them, yet, but I CAN tell you that one is a project with a very dear (and incredibly talented) friend of mine. This project is a personal one for me, and has the potential to stir up all kinds of trouble. Is it bad that I look forward to whatever may happen? I’ve never been one who could avoid poking a bear when I saw one, and throwing caution to the wind like it was a cheap kite, careless about how life’s brambles catch it, and how they rend and tear the thin fabric.
I’m being melodramatic, I know, and my metaphors are getting away from me.
Avengers Thursday! I can’t wait. See my review on this coming Friday’s program on Naked News For now, I’ll spend the rest of the day making mixtapes to people who will never receive them.
So Star Wars Celebration is happening right now and I AM STUCK IN TORONTO AND IT IS SO NOT FAIR YOU GUYS.
I’d be pout-ier, but it’s hard to be angry- I just saw the new trailer for The Force Awakens and I’m hyperventilating a bit. The new costume redesigns are BEAUTIFUL. I can’t wait to crossplay the heck out of that silver number.
And that moment where Han says “Chewie, we’re home!” AUGH SO MANY FEELINGS.
I may have gotten in trouble for squee-ing too loudly at work.
The force is strong with me.
Darth Vader’s helmet. Yikes. The Dark Side of the force is apparently worse for you than meth.
It’s been a long time. I’ve neglected my blog. I’ve been busy living life.
Well, living other people’s lives.
I play a lot of RPGs.
I’m currently playing a Dungeons and Dragons campaign with a really cool group of guys, and in this campaign I’m a lawful neutral human noble warrior who is looking to reclaim the glory of her past title.
I have to tell you, as someone whose real life alignment is true neutral at best (and chaotic neutral when I’m NOT behaving, which let’s face it is most of the time), I am having the HARDEST time staying true to my alignment while reaching my goals. But hey, I figure I can follow the laws easier if I make my own, right? Right? So all I need to do is become the ruler of everything, and then being lawful neutral will be much easier.
I’m used to playing a barbarian type character- not a lot of brains or finesse, just muscle. I like being the tank- as anyone who has seen my Versus segments on Naked News can tell you, I’m kind of a weakling and a giant klutz, so I like being the big scary muscle. Give me a comically oversized weapon, point me in the direction of my enemies, and let me hack at things. That’s how I roll. (Well, actually, natural 20s is how I roll. Not to brag or anything.) My character in this game, though, is charming and influential, and I’ve been using that to my advantage. I made a risky move when, instead of sneaking into a goblin-infested castle to get to an evil wizard and a mysterious drow causing trouble, I infiltrated it using my cunning and charm. After the inevitable massacre was done, we killed the king of the goblins, stole his crown, and then I convinced the remaining goblins left alive to join me.
That’s right. I AM THE MOTHEREFFING GOBLIN QUEEN.
I HAVE A HORDE NOW.
I plan to grow my army, forge alliances between all the races (even goblins and orcs), and become Overlady Of the Entire Fucking World.
…Lawfully, of course.
And I’ll only torture when I absolutely need to.
*BZZT* After some technical difficulties, it looks like I’m back up and running here.
Have you checked out our new site yet? We got a facelift with our HD treatment, and it looks stunningly beautiful. I’m so happy with how it looks.
Speaking of changes, I’ve been working out a ton, and trying to be more active. I’ve gained five pounds, but my hips and waist are smaller, so that means I’m gaining muscle. Who wants to fight me?
Some random thoughts:
-I think what I’m most grateful for about my life is that it’s been difficult enough to give me character and strengthen me, but not so hard that it’s made me cynical or bitter. I’m a lucky woman.
I feel great about how I look these days.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is reportedly going to play Dream in a Sandman adaptation. And he’s signed on as a producer. I’m cautiously thrilled.
First off, Starbucks has a secret menu, and Butterbeer is on it. I need to figure out how to veganize this. Speaking of Harry Potter, what’s your house? I’m Ravenclaw.
Secondly, I’m really excited to hear Marvel has signed a deal with Netflix. I’m really hoping for Isaiah Mustafa as Luke Cage. I’d love to play Jessica Jones.
Have you read the first issue of the new Sandman series? What do you think of it?
It’s a rare lonesome night this evening. I’m cuddled up on the couch, some older-catalog Dresden Dolls playing in the background (Amanda Palmer’s voice always sounds like autumn personified to me), fire blazing in my fireplace, and a hot cup of Mom’s Apple Pie tea from David’s Tea resting on my coffee table as I type my first missive to you in months. I love lonely nights like this, after my son has gone to bed, when my house is all mine and no noises disturb the calm but the ones I allow.
Peace. Quiet. Such loveliness.
Two more episodes left for Naked News Uncovered: http://www.superchannel.ca/series/view/56198605/Naked-News-Uncovered
I hope you get the chance to watch these episodes, even if you haven`t caught the program up until now. I`m proud of them.
Did you guys know I have a new vegan cooking blog? It`s right here: http://wholedecadence.blogspot.ca
I have work to do, so I bid you goodnight, my darlings.